A cool Saturday evening

This is a moment from Thursday afternoon. The heat index was 115.

There was a certain glee around the neighborhood today, though, something about a temperature drop of what felt like 40 degrees. And rain. Don’t forget the rain. Jerry and I went out to take a walk just after dawn and he commented on how humid it felt. He was gone the past two weeks and missed the spectacularly hot weather. I said this was the most refreshing morning since last Sunday; then we went for a ramble in the rain.

Yesterday I watched the goldfinches panting as they fluttered about in the dogwood. I had water “stations” set out for any wee creature that needed them and a birdbath and I stood waiting for them to come down, but the breeze was in the tree, so they went for relief there.

Today though, with the rain the yard was alive. I got distracted watching a Titmouse family eating seeds off the lilacs and the cardinals (molting!) tried to get them to stop. The drama didn’t last long. I think something may have been said about the cardinal’s bald head and bad feelings. Maybe I’m projecting.

Here’s a poem I read recently that felt right to share for Papa Bear, Dean Husted. And feels right to share here on a cool Saturday evening.  When by Rebecca Baggett from The Woman Who Lives Without Money:

It's hot enough to scald a lizard

The other evening I checked the temperature and it read 117, all I could think to say was a very slow, Roy Kent, “Fuuuuu####kkkk!”. That was the “feel like” temp (apparently, it matched a previous high record). But, no rain, tornados, earthquakes, mudslides, or fires. Just sauna-like heat with the humidity. Today (and yesterday) the afternoon temperature is 114. And fog both mornings. So much like a sauna, I need to carry a towel.

Now I’m gearing up for Thursday which is forecast to be the “hot” day.

On Sunday morning, I went out for a walk while it was still a cool 71. Afterward, I watched a squirrel hiding peanuts in my lawn and as it ran back to get another it took a few moments to roll in the dew-covered grass and wash. I liked that it did a few shoulder rolls and then a quick ear and face wash before another roll and a good tail scrub. I’ve never seen this before. It was quite lovely. It reminded me of the magpies I’d seen in Belgium frolicking one afternoon outside the library, four or five of them tumbling about and then flying up, before coming back to the grass to roll around. They seemed to be laughing. These are unguarded moments that Marlin Perkins never caught on film.

Today was my first day back in class. Just two classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, one class Wednesdays and one Fridays. I love that every entry point had someone there to help people navigate to their classes – or try to give you a donut – and I ran into a number of classmates from last semester. Including the young man who told me I was so lucky to be around for the Golden Age of Movies. I tried to convince him it was too easy to just follow a path that would let you make money, instead make a living with something you enjoy, go for the vocation not just the career. He didn’t seem convinced. He’s in the Running Start program so when he graduates from high school next spring, he’ll have an Associate degree. He likes history and languages. Give me some time, I’ll turn him toward the dark side.

 

                                                     That last cool morning...

Conundrum

When I wake I am in a void

I try to exit but must remain within.

The conundrum grief holds.

I use my knowledge of Etch A Sketch
to shake memory gray.

Random Ramble Randomness

 I've been missing for a while as I went to Oregon (and back) and then Jerry and I did a ramble: Peoria, Minneapolis, Madison, Detroit, Niagara Falls, Rochester, and then Columbus. We went to parks and museums, bookstores, and fairs (county and state), thrift stores, and a cat sanctuary with over 350 cats. And now we're ready for a little at-home time before school starts. We enjoyed the vagabond life. A lot. Be careful, be kind. Enjoy the exit to Hope. ☺

A week in the world without you

I wonder if you would care, your missing so evident in my everyday world already. The last poem I sent, the last picture. the last ping I asked you to acknowledge. So I put your name here and hope that the skies are full of the stars we watched so many times. I will count every night that they allow. 

Poem for the son who has turned away

I can’t capture birdsong
or the draft that hawks
ride over just-mown fields.

As blackbirds pepper
the clouds – west to east mornings
east to west of an afternoon –

I pause to listen to the wave
of wings; their cries
soft bells against the leaden sky.

Hardness washes
my heart like the particular howls
of dogs, their sleep erased

by a siren’s piercing scream.
A lonely wail and echo
until all is silent again.

the difference between solitude and loneliness *

 

You are nothing but roads interrupted by wheels *

There are moments around 2 am (or 4 or 1 or 3) when memory is vacant. You wake only to darkness and quiet and listen to the steady breath of the man next to you. You thank the darkness for his sleep as memory surfaces. There should be heartache, but the heart is full of ash; ash has no feeling. Instead, my feet and ankles ache as though the heart has actually fallen as far as it can and still be contained in the body, and there, equally distributed, pain lives. Outside the darkness is alive. In the shadows, a fox questions what has been left out that the raccoon passed up, perhaps she has followed the path of the squirrels that have been in and out of the yard all afternoon. Above her, the leaves are like butterflies that have become lost in this dark time. I don’t want to be the fox or the night or the wayward stars. I want to be those leaves, especially the ones low enough to graze tall creatures that venture here. Let me touch the doe as she snacks on clover or jumps with her sisters through the dew-covered dawn. Let me witness the fox her nose reading the night. Let me imagine the house asleep and whole.