"Wolf nightmares" *

Morning, after a snow, is a wonderful opportunity to see what creatures come through the yard. Yesterday I could see where deer had come in from the back (behind my neighbor’s house is a little draw) heading toward the front yard; they did a bit of birdseed cleanup under the lonely pine before crossing the street. Of course, a number of cats go through these yards, hugging the walls behind shrubbery. At least one set of tracks went under the deck and then came out the other side and continued skirting the house. Lots of birds made their maddening hieroglyphics, a few squirrels had a raced from tree to tree in places no branches meet. Today I watched a squirrel run across my neighbor’s roof, a dangerous passage as the hawks have been very active in the neighborhood this week. About a third of the snow melted today as it was another sunny day and five degrees warmer. Tomorrow most of it will probably disappear as it gets warmer still and rain is forecast.

With the melting snow and the absence of tracks one could believe that those other creatures aren’t out there, that they don’t share the world with us or wish we’d share the world with them in a more humane way. That they aren’t using these weird green areas and cul-de-sacs to move along trails that they’ve used for a millennium or more (except for, maybe, these domesticated cats, Caticus Kittleeatus Maximus). It’s sort of like those that stayed in shadow and secret groups for a so many years, on the radar of groups like the Southern Poverty Law Center and Hate Watch, but mainly ignored and pooh-poohed by others. Everyone had that racist neighbor or grandma or uncle or father or friend. But they “didn’t really mean it” they’d never “act on it”. And we forgot what tracks to watch for, forgot how they hunted and fed, forgot how to bring them in from being feral; they use to hide because the rest of us told them no, not here. Now they’re all savage, they’ve invaded our towns and cities and safe little cul-de-sacs. They’ve been elected to office, they aren’t just that small town sheriff or county commissioner, they’re mayors and governors and in Congress. One was President. They’re out in the open. And snow or none, we need to learn how to track them, see what it will take to turn them human.

Here’s a bit of a poem from Margaret Atwood’s new book, Dearly, called Short Takes On Wolves* (2020, Ecco) and a picture of the Wolf Moon caught up in a tree this morning.

Little frozen icey thngs

The promised snow has come. Snow muted the morning, except for the starlings that arrived to mangle the suet feeders, the day was quiet. The cardinals buffed their beaks and readied their feathers, they know how fantastic they look in this background. It isn’t a lot of snow that we got today, but it changes the world. After lunch I was watching my neighbor and her son, this is his first snowfall he can walk in and he was not having any of it. I don’t know what the problem was but he was not happy. Later I saw him out with his father and it was the same thing, his stayed where the snow wasn’t. What I wanted to see was his dad fall over into the snow and make a snow angel, get the weirdness all over him, and really indulge in it.

When I was growing up in Eastern Oregon, we had some wicked winters, below zero for weeks, six, seven-foot drifts around the house and barns. School closed for an entire week one winter. But my Aunt drove from their place to ours (8 or 9 miles) so she could get out of the house and my cousins could run off some of their energy. It was a busy day of snow cave building, sliding on the frozen irrigation ditch, snow ball fights and sledding. The old mare, Patty, pulled a sled a bit too. We were sustained by gallons of cocoa and hot soup.

      

We had one really good, or really bad (depending on your views), winter while we were in Klamath Falls. A lot of snow days for the schools and closures for roof damage around town. We had clean to our roof too. We lived 13 miles out of Klamath Falls, down in a little valley between two ridges and we got more snow typically than in town. The snow was so deep we had to make paths and potty areas for the dogs. The best workout in the world is cutting through four feet of snow to make trails and clearing a pretty long driveway, a lot of leg and arm work. Ooh rah! 

Vegan pizza fiasco

Let’s talk about tofu. Up until about twelve years ago I had eaten tofu about twice in my life. I had encountered it, I had tried it, I did not seek it out again. And then in 2008 or 2009, for a new year resolution we decided to go vegan for the month of January. One would think this was a bold thing to do in Klamath Falls Oregon, January brought the Bull and Horse Show where tri-tip was a required food item; where the Cattlemen and Cattlewomen’s Association was one of “the” clubs to join, it was farm country; though one of my favorite bumper stickers was “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”

So, we did our research and looked at the available items we could veg out on. Bean patties, veggie stews, tofu, we tried some soy cheeses…generally any plant-based thing we tried. Careful reading of product ingredients and new recipes really made the month easier. The really wonderful part of this was that our local (locally owned) market, Sherm’s Thunderbird, had a great assortment of vegetarian and vegan foodstuffs and we tried most of them. From this though I came to appreciate tofu a lot. It’s a staple now, I have about six or seven blocks in my fridge right now. But here is a confession, it’s not really a new thing, but during the month of veganism, when my son (who was a tall, lean high schooler) would come to my office after school, I would give him money so he could go down to Wendy’s and get a burger and fries. Just a couple of times. I think he hadn’t signed off on the whole bean patty and oven baked fries and after the vegan pizza fiasco, we were all waiting for February.
 
Anyway, that’s the day’s meander. And here is a link to my favorite tofu skit: Veganville from Saturday Night Live and NBC. Oh, and a random picture taken in Belgium near Chateau Veves.

"a little to one side it is there"*

Thursday afternoon I was looking for a poem or two to read for an open mic following a reading for First Draft Writers' Series, from Pendleton, Oregon. I was going to just read love poems because I thought that’s just easier and mine are those “seen from the corner of your eye”** and not overly sentimental. I’m opposed to overly sentimental in poetry and in life. Keep it in commercials and made for TV movies. I want emotions that are earned. Don’t give me cheap theatrics or sick kittens just to soften a heart. Jerry says for a poet you are devoid of a soul, my reply to that is I don’t believe is souls.

So I was shuffling through some older folders and found a poem of mine called Mythology, I had forgotten about it. What I find curious about it is the opening thesis, what is that about? I’m wondering if I wrote this before or after I wrote a poem called Considering my father’s heart. (quick note, I see I wrote them both around the same time about nine years ago) So here are two poems about hearts, gritty and scarred and curious. (And after the poems, a snoring cat!) Be safe, be kind!

Mythology

The heart breaks and ruptures, heals
itself, weakens and hardens with tough
new scars. No doubt it skips
speeds and causes reckless words.
It peers into the past, worships the future,
lays claim to whatever the brain says avoid.
And so I wait for whatever the world holds
knowing my heart, and its minor gods, can
wait for new stories, different outcomes.

These are the myths I grew up with:
China Gold, Sasquatch, D.B. Cooper,
the Northern Lights, a father’s unshakeable love.

One summer a hundred head of elk
crossed the just graded road
outside of Granite Oregon. Their meadow
caught in the gloom, as sun 
made its way over the mountain
and lit the top of the highest pine.

A quarter mile up, my father stopped
the road grader, as the tan
animals moved like a wave of honey
into the timber. The machine shuddered,
a reverberation that echoed
through the dawn with the distant
elk voices, and opened the day

to this last myth I thought I understood.
My father drove out of sight
into deep and unknowable shadow.

 

Considering my father’s heart

Which I haven’t, for years, really, since we stopped talking,
or he stopped talking, to me. But today, with news
that he is in the hospital with heart trouble, I think
about it, and him. His father died over fifty years ago
from a bad heart. And I wonder if he thinks about
that. If he weighs the heart ache and the heart break
the way I weigh mine. If he smiled wryly, like I did,
when my sister told me that he has heart blockage
but that his body had already created a bypass,
and it was working so well that doctor said there
was no need for surgery. Of course, I thought,
even in life and death he’s too stubborn.
And then I think about calling him for his birthday,
wondering if our hearts have found other ways
to survive, how mine has healed in miraculous
ways as well.
 

 “Poetry is the kind of thing you have to see from the corner of your eye**. You can be too well prepared for poetry. A conscientious interest in it is worse than no interest at all, as I believe Frost used to say. It's like a very faint star. If you look straight at it you can't see it, but if you look a little to one side it is there*.” William Stafford from What It Is Like, Writing the Australian Crawl Views on the Writer’s Vocation, The University of Michigan Press, 1978

 

"When day comes, we step out of the shade, aflame and unafraid."*

Over the years I have indoctrinated Jerry to poetry. Like a lot of people who went to US public schools, poetry was something that was touched on occasionally and had a tendency to carry the labels classic and good even though we did little more than parrot what was needed for a test. (Prufrock anyone?) Those words had zero to do with our lives and the poets had little to do with us, [they] being primarily old, white men from other realms of the world; worlds nothing like ours or our parents. Of course, over the last two days the world has been awash with poetry, or poem, thanks to the radiant Amanda Gorman. What every writer, and reader, of poetry knows is the power of one poem to inspire and to make you search for more – more poems, more poets, more poetry that gives voice to what so many need to hear, wonder about, what touches us.

Jerry has gone with me to many poetry readings over the years and he has found poets among my friends that he enjoys (quotes!); he has his favorites and also he is a fan of Sunni Patterson, Joy Harjo and his new favorite poet, Amanda Gorman. He judges poems/poets like this: “She’s no Bette Husted.” Or, “Paulann Petersen is safe.” Or, “Peter Sears would have read him under the table.”

Ms. Gorman was appointed to the National Youth Poet Laureate during National Poetry Month in 2017. I remember listening to her poetry then knowing that we would hear more from her, and didn’t we? Here is a link that takes you to her poem to read for yourself or listen to. (* this post's title is a line from The Hill We Climb)

Be safe, be kind. Here's a begonia clipping that has finally bloomed. Light and beauty!

"To heal, we must remember,"*

Evan Vucci/AP

[From NPR] President-elect Joe Biden addressed a grieving nation on Tuesday, after the United States had earlier in the day passed 400,000 deaths from the coronavirus.

Speaking at a service to remember Americans killed by the virus, Biden praised medical professionals for their roles in caring for the ill and their families during the pandemic.

"If there are any angels in heaven, they're all nurses. We know from our family experience what you do. The courage. The pain you absorb for others. So thank you. Thank you," Biden said at the Lincoln Memorial event.

Four hundred lights were turned on to honor the 400,000 Americans who died since the pandemic began in the U.S. one year ago.

"To heal, we must remember," * Biden continued in his brief remarks. "It's hard sometimes to remember, but that's how we heal. It's important to do that as a nation."

Biden was joined by Vice President-elect Kamala Harris, who called on Americans to unite through their mourning of lost loved ones.

"For many months, we have grieved by ourselves. Tonight, we grieve and begin healing together. Though we may be physically separated, we the American people are united in spirit."

~~~~

Be safe, be kind, the hard work continues. 

"What shall we not perhaps get over,..."*

 

The cats we have had as roommates and designated yard guards over the years: Comet and Sunspot (roomies), Phil (both, until he lost yard privileges), Kiki and Jackson (YG), and now Ursula and Zora, definitely roomies. Briefly we had a cat with us in Klamath Falls named Captain Jack (because of his eyeliner) who would have been a yard guard, but he was with us only as long as it took to look for who he belonged to -- no one claimed him -- and then I had him vaccinated and neutered. He left us shortly after that, as Jerry said with that kind of welcome why would you stay. Today I had to take Ursula to the vet with a condition we can only say is tied to her lymphoma diagnosis back in September. She’s also lost weight recently. She’s now on prednisone and she seems to be in no pain, she is still active and vocal and in charge. She of course was insulted by getting placed in the carrier and whisked away to the vet, blood taken and all those strangers prodding. Due to COVID protocol I was not allowed in, so that added to the indignity. But Ursula forgave me and we curled up together after lunch and took a short nap together. So now the time of Ursula. Ursula to spoil, Ursula to hunt down the sunny spot in the house, the best place to watch birds, the extra food that Zora will not get as she doesn’t need the extra food; we just got her weight stabilized. Just over a year ago we said goodbye to Comet. Now we will fill Ursula’s days, Zora’s. Damn these fur hearts and the holds they have. Be safe, be kind.

Here’s a poem by Quinn Baily from The Currents of the World (Homebound Publications, 2020) Thank you, again, Dragon for the book.

*Luck by Carl Phillips from The Tether